Sometimes it may happen that you just might be wondering around internet to overcome your frustration from irritating life sometimes and get countered with some page, which really asks you to promote it as it might be important to know for others and for me today is was an Article named How to Make your Relationship Even Better.
It was a real interesting read to me, although it was almost perfect without any need of alteration in it as it was work of some professional Arvind Devalia. I found many other articles over his site interesting reads and would like to give some time to them as well in next few days. Here I wish to re-write the same words with my touch where ever possible (may remove the article, if the original author has any objection in near future).
So, if you are in a relationship, is it what you always dreamed about?
“In a dream relationship, you bring out the best in one another and make yourself stronger together as a team than apart. Such a relationship helps you become a better person and provides you with the happiness that you deserve.”
You sure think that at one point, probably in start or in some of the best moments the relation was just like defined by the above lines, but few moments make it fading again and again. Why so?
“If you have been together for a long time, you could take each other for granted. This does not imply that your love for each other is fading, simply a lack of effort.”
So, where goes the solution? Author says:
“Be willing to make the time and effort for each other. Be realistic too and accept that no one person is ever going to fulfill your every need and desire. Truly committing yourself to someone requires insight, trust, and being open to vulnerability. Finding such a person and respecting your judgment are a prerequisite to creating an everlasting, happy relationship.”
Sometimes, we know what’s being said and even know the meanings, but still miss the efforts due to our own weaknesses, which get over us more strongly than the love itself. Why so? Is it so that our other passions don’t match with this one or some part of us doesn’t relate with us as we are now? Do we dislike ourselves and so everyone else around us?
Author goes with his some suggestions. Let’s see, where they fit?
1. Get clear on what you want from the relationship
Make the fulfillment of your short term and long term needs the criteria for choosing a partner and being in a relationship. Create and share a vision of your dream life together.
Sometimes we stop thinking about our dreams and just give up all of them for the other one for one hidden reason, they have no meaning for the other one coz we think we want the relation most and so the sacrifice! Sacrifice is something, which changes a lot of things, but in other ways, when we know that we are doing it. If you’re not getting what you exactly want from the relationship, then you can’t give the same back, no matter how hard you try. So, know your requirement first and then think what the one could give and how.
2. Accept your partner just as they are
“Your partner is a very special human being – the only one in the world like them, with their own wonderful traits and unique gifts. Truly love the whole beautiful package they came in. They are entitled to their own decisions, hobbies, goals and hopes. Find out their deepest desires and get as excited about them, as you are about yours. And remember too that this wonderful human being is prepared to spend their life with you despite knowing all your shortcomings!”
The line just defines many things in short and beautiful ways, but how many get the same point. Finding, waiting, giving space and our shortcomings; all just not fit in the same boat most of the time. Could you be the same wonderful human being as the one, you want to be with is?
3. Be generous and loving in all your dealings with your partner
“Give unconditionally, rather than wanting something back in return. A lot of relationships work on a 50 / 50 basis whereby partners do things for each other only on a tit for tat basis. Instead, commit 100% to doing things for your partner, and with zero expectation. If your partner gives you their commitment on the same 100% / zero basis, then you will both be in Nirvana!”
I wish, it could have been happening on this earth. Never happens and the tragedy is; we always think that we are getting lesser share of the business. Can the business be profitable for all the sides? Not that much we could give, but as much they might be wishing to get. Can you?
4. Always be in integrity
“Commit to tell your partner the total truth, as honesty is one of the key things people want in a relationship. Knowing they can trust you builds a zone of safety and comfort around them.”
You don’t commit as you know that they don’t trust you and they don’t trust you coz they know that you don’t commit completely. Where the circle ends?
5. Resolve your differences as soon as they happen
“Conflict actually fuels a genuinely passionate partnership. So accept responsibility for your part of the issue at stake, and do not blame your partner. The sooner you stop blaming and start talking, the better you will feel. Never go to sleep with an unresolved issue. Last thing at night; tell your partner what you love about them being in your life.”
We try and author says that it’s the better approach. I admit that somewhere sleeping with the issue creates the trouble more bigger, but it meant to be more of it. Resolving the difference don’t go easy if we make the other feel that we are not listening and worse, if they know we are listening and pretending not to know the meaning. May be we might not be saying that what we might want and so they are not coming with words, they actually wishing to say. But someone to step forward, Just one step, but one full step.
6. Do not criticize
“It is ok to complain but not criticize. Your partner is doing the best they can – support them in becoming an even better person – you will benefit in the long term. NEVER put your partner down in front of other people.”
I would like to add, just one more line in the end that “not even in front of himself/ herself.”
7. Create a haven for your partner
“Make them feel so safe and secure with you, that they drop all their defensiveness. It is natural to feel fear and you can help them overcome it with lots of tender loving care. Thoughtfulness is so important in a healthy relationship. So be considerate of your partner’s feelings and treat them with the utmost care and kindness.”
Thoughtfulness and being kind is something never come easy for real world and it works more badly, if one somehow comes to think that they are doing and just getting in return, nothing extra. Life’s toughness doesn’t let you resourceful all the time, but you have to come out with all your resources. If you are giving up in some weak moments, just try to feel what you partner is giving up for you. Are you really saying “Nothing“?
8. Let go of the past.
“All relationships have their difficulties. Remember only the lessons learnt and forget the details. Weather the stormy moments, and savour the memory of sunny days. Remember what brought the two of you together in the first place. What attracted you to each other? What do you admire about your partner’s personality?”
May be everything would have changed what brought you together once, but why it changed and is it that much un-justifiable that you come to change yourself completely. You may say that you are trying to be more generous and giving even more, but are you really making the other one the same amount of special in front of whole world, as much you were making once? If you do the same in fractions, then you need to go on and go on for much more. Who knows may the boat turn back…
9. Have a fun date with your partner regularly and often
“Spend at least one evening a week with each other. At that particular time nothing is as important as your time together. Strengthen your relationship by putting each other first. Give the relationship the same commitment you made when you first started dating – simply put each other first!”
In a dream relationship, you and your partner can be yourselves. You are honest and patient with each other. You accept one another, and you are kind and thoughtful. In such an open and caring relationship, your love is sure to grow, and working together you can keep your relationship happy and healthy.
Do you think, you can do it? If not read it loud in your mind and start working over it. Start working on your dream relationship today.
Nitish Kumar's Blog 