In moments of confusions with lots of questions swinging around, sometimes it can happen to you that you open a mail sent by yourself long time back and you find that the questions which seem to confusing you now, you already had answered them long back by yourself. You open few old sent mails years back and get surprised by even your own writing style then. Human mind has so many dimensions that leave others a side, one can’t even reach all the corners of his/ her own mind.

Diary … words written by self for self (May be someone else could have defined it more simply.)

One can never be sure, but historical counts say that the oldest extent diaries come from Middle Eastern and East Asian cultures though there been existence of similar things even much before that. For me, its something as old as human history itself is, but question is "what exactly it is?"

A diary is a record (originally in handwritten format) with discrete entries arranged by date reporting on what has happened over the course of a day or other period. The writer may detail more personal information and normally intended to remain private or to have a limited circulation amongst friends or relatives. The writer may also describe recent events in his/her personal diary. The word "journal" may be sometimes used for "diary," but generally one writes daily in a diary, whereas journal-writing can be less frequent.

Oops.. I did it again. Went techie as many of my  readers keep on complaining me, though intended to keep it simple straight from heart. Coming back again…

I remember my own days, back to 1995, when I was in 8th standard. Don’t know what prompted me start writing diaries. May be father’s old diary might have been an inspiration or I thought to share my deep self to someone I trusted most in my life; myself. Started in simple Hindi, soon it was converted to English .. may be I thought to use this ‘useless’ habit to improve my English skills then.

When you start writing diaries, then you really come to know that what privacy is and why you wish it most sometimes. While it regarded as kind of sin, but nothing could interest others more than someone’s personal diary and you soon find yourself running around to find places to hide your diary as it starts growing up with your raw thoughts and secrets, which you might not wishing someone else to know at least at that point. Same happened to me, when I ended up converting my rather simple diaries into cryptic comments or rather a cryptic language.

I took two ways then …

1. Mirror writing in which I was writing in way that would be plain English if seen in some mirror otherwise seeming confusing symbols.
2. Writing diary in numeric codes (‘0’ for ‘a’, ‘1’ for ‘b’ and placing dots above numeric after 9).

Many of people around me found the second way more fascinating and interesting than the first one as I was able to write and read that way with same ease and speed as the usual English phrases. But still it was pretty easy to guess and once scared the hell out of me, when I found my mom trying to read it through mirror (I always kept my diaries at hidden places, but you know that you cant be sure about it) and ended to join both the techniques means writing in numeric with mirror image symbols.

You might be thinking that what is it now? If wanted to keep things that personal then what purpose of even writing the same? But once you start writing then you come to know that this things is really addictive.

Purposes that a diary solves

Its true that one cant be honest even with self and the diary is second to self. It happens that you write only those things/ thoughts in your diary, which at some point of your life you think that you could admit as of own but still it collects so much of your raw thoughts that even you feel surprised that did I really thought this then?

Your restlessness about getting just a mere glimpse of someone special, your jealously even pretending like nothing happened, your moving crushes and point of interests, your grief about your loneliness, your anger over restrictions from family, your joy of winning something you think other will think stupidity of yours, your true ambitions rather than what you say in front of your parents and friends, your dreams …. possibilities are endless about what you might be writing in your diaries and over the time, it become most precious friend of yours. Someone who listens you most patiently without commenting and answering you about your confusions in a voice you understand and trust most, yours own.

A diary might be collection of some random writing of yours, thoughts might be foolish, but it starts making you mature and complete faster than otherwise you could only wonder. Interesting sights becomes the moments to see same words calming you down, which you once wrote in your most restlessness. A diary truely completes yourself.

When you leave it locked and quit writing?

Later on coping up with the time required to pen down your thoughts become more tougher considering other priorities of yours. Other people come to your life to share all the personal moments and thoughts of yours. Even you come to feel that you found the purpose that started your habit  of writing diaries and the loneliness is no more in your life, so diaries ……. not required now. More of it, even there might be things in life such that one don’t wanna to share ever, not even with self.

In more sophisticated way, we start thinking that we took diaries to recollect our thoughts, then re-evaluate the same to improve ourselves at stages and over the years, we find that now nothing remained to improve, we have already made our views and lives those are not gonna undergo some such big change that may require re-evaluation at any later stage. Ultimately,  you say that you don’t wished to be writer or never wanted that someone might be writing biography over you.

Is it true? Writing diaries is fate of big people only? Can you be so certain of yourself that nothing to re-evaluate, when yourself seen so many changes over the years? Do you really think that you got the purpose that why you started writing diaries at the very first place? Do you think that over the time, it becomes impossible and even useless to keep on writing thoughts that touch your mind? Do you think that any other voice you can understand more, trust more than yourself?

Blogs, Social sites, Twitter (it suits first part of definition about time, though fails about privacy thing), SMS’s and insanely running life may make you think that Diaries are irrelevant in this era, but have a night alone awake thinking of only self. Don’t you want to write diary for self or revoke the same old habit of writing again???

Give me your thoughts over it. I’ll love it, if I find someone starting afresh again due to the conversations ..

Nitish Kumar

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