In recent months, I am writing more regularly than ever, but still behind the tech guy there is a non-tech emotional persona, who prefers to be silent. Don’t know why today he thought to come out of shelter? Don’t know how much he can actually say? But here he is with this post, may be the pain could be some lessened.
Sometimes, simple questions of life become this much complex that you can’t answer them or wish that they were never questioned from you. Seems that someone running from answers, but…. answer was always the same, how many times the question was asked. Wasn’t I clear enough? Still it hurts … why .. you know or may be you know nothing.
You make a decision, about which you know that will cause you pain, know that its not what you wanted, but still you make. Why? Because the logic says, because you know that if you don’t take it this way, then would call for more pain later on. But still… how can you be so certain that you are doing right? Your understanding of logic will always be correct? What you will get next will not cause pain? You can actually never look back and think that you weren’t wrong.
But whose logic you are following? Are they hearing yours? Whom are you not hurting? whom are you pleasing? who is satisfied? who is happy? Are you? Will you?
You are trying to live for others, but you are left alone thinking that do someone cares for you? Isn’t the life a business, where people leave you when you can’t fulfill their expectations? Parents, family, friends and even special ones, whom you find that you actually wants to live for?
You walk on a path with someone, realizing sooner or later that it will be stuck before the end. You know it’ll hurt, it already is, you pull yourself in so many soft steps, but is that causes less pain? You become irritating for others and yourself cause you are running from life, counting seconds, mins, hours and days to end, thinking that time will pass, will heal, will settle things right …
You cant deny that you have to pass through. Really wanted to be with someone, but I know nothing matters already. I am left from both the sides and there was no side for me already.
I know all of it seems random and its hard to know what I am talking about, but don’t know what I wanted. Please do not comment!!! I don’t know what I am feeling… what I’ll .. some painful moments wont pass even after sharing.